Trusted For

A pre-marriage checklist is a good idea

Those planning to marry with a large ceremony will have an endless number of tasks on lists to take care of before the big day. However, a 21-year-old woman created quite a stir when she tweeted a “Don’t Get Married Before: A Thread” topic checklist with 20 tweets for couples who plan to marry. This had nothing to do with flower arrangements. It instead focuses on issues of compatibility, long-term plans and some things that seem kind of silly.

The thread received 220,000 likes and 61,000 retweets and picked up by news outlets. Some responded by complimenting the writer on tackling some challenging topics, while others complained that this kind of discussion is a turnoff and sucks the romance out of the relationship or dooms the marriage from the start.

A shorter list

Each relationship is different, but the list’s goal is to ensure that the couple really is compatible and recognize issues that they may need to work on before or during the marriage. Some important ones include:

  • Money: There should be a discussion about carrying debt, who will support the family and long-term goals for savings.
  • Kids: Not agreeing on if, when and how many can be a dealbreaker for some. How do they feel about adoption or surrogacy if there are fertility issues.
  • Core values: This includes views on religion and how they view the world.
  • Commitment: This involves both fully committing to each other and committing to the idea of love.
  • Long-term goals: What is the timeline for a career, starting a family or relocating if need be.
  • Compatibility: She talked about energy level, anger management issues and even the kinds of clothes they wear.
  • Social media: There should be an understanding because some people do not want photos or details of their lives posted on Facebook or Twitter.

Put something in writing

Based on their conversations, the couple may want to put some details in writing by using prenuptial or postnuptial agreement. It helps ensure that the spouses’ priorities align, but there may be other reasons as well. They can discuss these details with a family law attorney who can help the couple create a legal and binding agreement. They can also enforce the contract if the couple later decides to get a divorce.